


He Rests

by mutents



Series: The Sousa's Story [2]
Category: Agent Carter (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Ableist Language, Angst, Gen, Hallucinations, Period Typical Attitudes, Post-World War II, Pre-Agent Carter, Suicidal Thoughts, angst like woah, internalized ableism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-30
Updated: 2015-01-30
Packaged: 2018-03-09 18:16:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3259577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mutents/pseuds/mutents
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He tries to relax. Oh god, does he try to relax.</p>
            </blockquote>





	He Rests

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on my tumblr, [sovsa](http://sovsa.tumblr.com/).

He sets down the arm of the phonograph.

He pours scotch into his crystal glass.

He levers himself into his armchair.

He unstraps his prosthetic.

He leans back.

He rests.

* * *

The song that’s playing is _Rum & Coca-Cola_. Daniel had been incredibly glad that he could still listen to music when he was stationed in France. One of his best memories of his time in France was of when the Andrews Sisters had visited their camp.

At the back of his mind, he hears a quite voice speaking evil words.

_Daniel, what are you doing? Daniel, why are you still here? Should you really be around? Don’t you think you should have died? I think you should have died._

The voice sounds terrifyingly like Harvey’s.

But those are words that the other man would never have spoken.

Right?

* * *

He listens to the blend of the singers voices.

He drinks his glass of scotch slowly.

He closes his eyes tightly.

He rubs at his stump.

He shuts down.

He rests.

* * *

He tries to block the voice, tries to forget the hateful words that he’d heard, tries to ignore how similar the voice sounds to his best friends.

He can’t quite do it.

_Daniel, what use are you now? You’re a crip with a limp and an ugly fake leg. It looks like some kind of an ancient torture device. Bet it feels like that, doesn’t it Daniel. Is that fake leg just torture?_

Daniel doesn’t notice that his empty hand is squeezed tightly, a white knuckle grip on his pants leg.

_Daniel, it’s pointless. No one will want a man without a leg. Women want guys with guts, guys who can fight, not a guy who can only walk a foot without his crutch._

It’s not effecting Daniel at all.

Right?

* * *

He hums along to the tune in the background.

He twirls the ice cubes in his glass.

He feels pins in his lost limb.

He blocks out all thoughts.

He just stops.

He rests.

* * *

He doesn’t rest. He can’t rest. His mind is running through his conversations with Harv, or at least the ones he can recall.

Harv had never said anything like that to Daniel. He wouldn’t ever have said anything like that, either. Harv’s older brother had been confined to a chair after a bout with polio when he was thirteen.

But the voice sounds exactly like Harv.

_Just give up. Don’t you still have your service gun? Grab it. End it. It hurts less here. Is a lot more fun, too._

Daniel tries to fight the voice, tries to fight the hateful words running around in his mind.

_Do it Daniel. You know you want to._

He knows that he can fight the thoughts.

Right?

* * *

He tries.

He tries to relax.

He tries to just stop thinking.

He tries not to focus on his missing leg.

He throws the glass of ice against the wall.

He lets out a yell that completely covers the song.


End file.
